Every time I see the teasers for Shattered Heroes, all I can think of is "Man, they're re-using the Onslaught font? It took us 17 years, but apparently we've now run out of fonts. That's the big story here."
Also, between this and the New 52, I've reach a point of utter and complete apathy with Big Events, I think. The notion that, immediately after Fear Itself, one of the most feeble crossovers ever minted (yes, even more than Genesis) we launch in to the next thing with all the confidence that people are dying--yes, dying--to read the next chapter in the same old shit we got but a two-year break from (and even then, not really) so Norman Osborn can return and allegedly start some shit.
Because this didn't have the kind of logical holes you could drive a truck through when we did this shit two fucking years back, we have Norman Osborn. Back. Again. In charge of stuff. Osborn. That guy. Weird O-Face. Stupid haircut. Wore purple leotard. Had a thing for cornholing, then killing Spider-Man's supporting cast. Was behind the Clone Saga. Totally OK with human sacrifice to Goblin people. Ran the country into the ground. Disgraced when he tried to blow up Asgard.
That guy. For those of you who didn't get the Morrisonian bullet points in the previous paragraph, let me put it to you like this. The following clip represents the kind of thing going on in Norman Osborn's head all the fucking time:
. . .and makes no effort to hide it. Marvel tried to sell us on two years of this guy being in charge as a logical line-wide event for the Marvel Universe. 25 years ago, they tried to convince us 8 punishingly boring issues of a god wearing a white jumpsuit and a Jheri curl taking a dump and learning about desire was a worthwhile use of everyone's time.
I'm sad to say, but Jerhi-curl made a stronger case. Helped a little because they only did it once, and didn't try it again because it wasn't adequately appreciated the first time or some bullshit.
I'm kinda sick of Norman Osborn and all he represents, most especially the never-ending event. Seriously, these things would be bad enough if we only had to weather then for a few issues and crossovers, but by the time you factor in the promo material (which, much like a trailer that gives away all the good bits of the movie, makes you feel like you've read it already) the "Road to" issues, and the crossovers, mini-series, tie-in series, chronic lateness, and the attendant bullshit they drag on for a year and just . . .feel . . .like . . .a. . .death march.
You would thing with these allegedly "epic" things, they'd be the opposite of decompression--big moment following big moment following big moment. Hell, for all that Crisis on Infinite Earths was little more than sound and fury, they never bothered wasting entire issues with not much happening--why do that when you can raise the stakes at every opportunity. They didn't decompress the shit out of it in the name of wringing the last few dollars out of an increasingly jaded handful of comics fans . . .you don't not if your intention is to tell a good story.
But I doubt that's the intent anymore, they've said as much. "Connectivity" is the new thing--all you do is kick the can, run up to it, and kick the can again, run after it, repeat until dead. The awful thing about all this from a storytelling standpoint is that it makes everything the middle of the story. It's like Lord of the Rings if you took out all the interesting bits and kept in all the walking.
They never get anywhere. They just keep wagon-training.
I should be mad, I guess, but I don't care. I should expect better, but I can't be bothered. There's nothing to get excited about, because we're now in a state where even the illusion of change as a storytelling-perpetuating mechanism has failed.
They're just keeping them going because it's what they've always done and what they always will do. No higher ideals, no aspirations toward telling good stories, just inertia. Keep the plate spinning, keep the money trickling in from the easy marks who will buy anything.
And if they don't care, why should I? Why should you? Why should anyone?