Just Sayin--The News Roundup Edition

 Hi all. Just a brief pop-round in-between Mad Men reviews and not having any new comics to talk about that I might highlight some things that spoke to me in the last couple weeks.

In the recently returning Comics of the Weak, the dynamite duo of Tucker and Abhay pondered the issue of the day with regards to the comics and Abhay weighed in on the whole Rick Remender "Alex Summers ain't down with the word 'mutant' tempest in a teacup that raged across the internet for a couple days and just as swiftly stopped, but not before this little gem from Abhay about how fans and pros interact:

 "Remender denies responsibility, and relentlessly blames comic fans: at first the horrible fans misinterpreting his words, and then the horrible fans who spurred him to tweet in a way that was misunderstood. That’s just comic pro SOP. “None of these characters mean anything! Read all about them!” Comic fans didn’t write that speech– comic fans are only for being pissed on. The blame goes to them, regardless.

Elsewhere, Gavok from 4thletter spells out my problems with the new 52 Captain Marvel/Shazam stuff with an elegant, concise, pointed explanation of it:

 "Post-Flashpoint, the character is simply known as Shazam. He doesn’t have his own series yet, but has appeared in the pages of the current Justice League comic. The big change is that teenaged Billy Batson is a tremendous asshole and only got the power because he told the wizard that pure-hearted people don’t exist and the wizard was just like, “Welp, good enough.” While Black Adam is out there, ready to fight him, Captain Marvel and his buddy Freddy Freeman intend to use his newfound abilities for profit. So far it’s pretty great."

 Obviously, we don't see eye to eye about that last part, but in the interest of proving these aren't all just to parrot my views, I'm leaving it in the quote.

Graeme McMillian, like me, wonders why the hell it's 2013 and we are still meant to give a crap about Hank Pym (non clit-punching scene category)

 "Hank has no central personality traits that the creators who handle him can seem to agree on, and that’s plagued him throughout his existence – It’s also, I’d argue, why his hitting Jan has become the defining fact of his character despite numerous attempts to rehabilitate him; at least it’s something unique that people remember about him outside of “he messes with his size a lot and created Ultron.” But even since then: We’ve seen him suicidal and then come to terms with his position in life, then come to terms with it again and reclaim former identities to express that, and then again and again. Is he the (somewhat jerky, infallible) Scientist Supreme, still, or a (sensitive, emotionally aware) teacher at Avengers Academy?"

   And finally, we end as we began, as Abhay, in part a rather great series of reviews, examines some trends he finds maddening in comics.

 "What is all this, do you think, this insistence upon surrender? Why, this persistent message that to do anything but surrender to the status quo makes one a figure of mockery? What makes comics so eager to trumpet fake heroics, phony, ersatz heroics, but so dismissive of protest, of an actual examples of courage from the least powerful among us? Is it just the particulars of the “creative community” involved, a community that never fought for each other, that routinely betrays its greatest artists, a community whose heroes suffocated communal effort in their womb? Why would we expect any better…? Or is it more than that? Maybe it’s just young people, just youth itself and youth’s silly hopes and impractical dreams of a better tomorrow, that comics find so laughable. Comic books: middle-aged men, to the rescue!"

Hiatus Hernia

Sorry for the vast amount of radio silence--not much in comics really excites anymore. How many different ways can one say "Oh God, Justice League is awful, Batwoman's going nowhere, et al" before it gets so utterly rote and boring? Couple that with the general fed uppedness I've had about the whole scene and that translated into me not really wanting to write anything about comics.

At least until fate took a hand and dropped anther month's shipment of comics on my doorstep, and while they are in fact the usual assortment, enough was new in the pile that that felt sufficiently motivated to comment on them, and in the name of doing that very thing . . .let's do that very thing.

 BATWOMAN #17--Exactly five issues after I stopped giving a shit, turned off all emotional investment in the excruciatingly decompressed story (paced in such a way that even Brian Michael Bendis might term "lackadaisical" the Medusa storyline ends, and ends in a way that was barely comprehensible, pretty to look at, and any critical thoughts I have about it are generally overridden just because I'm happy the fucking thing is over at last.

 I was rather impressed that all the attention the book got was for Kate and Maggie possibly getting married (not that it's not a momentous thing, but given what usually conspires to prevent comic book marriages, my hopes that it won't either be quietly ignored or deleted in some way that makes the minimum amount of sense whilst insulting one's intelligence in the maximum amount), when the bit that happens after was a LOT more intriguing a cliffhanger.

 Of course, given how they handled the first storyline in the book, it may be issue #39 before any forward plot momentum happens, but I'm trying to stay positive in spite of all reason and evidence.

 PROPHET #34--I put these two together, because Prophet manages the leisurely pace without feeling like 22 pages of an inert mass, and I thought it might be instructive to consider it and Batwoman in contrast with one another.

 Whereas Batwoman achieved a certain plot level early on, then put it in park for a dozen issues, blithely spinning its wheels and refusing to move, Prophet manages to tell a short story in every issue that's visually different, possessed of enough variety to differentiate the various chapters, and providing a kaleidoscopic picture of a very interesting fictional universe. Even if we're not making forward progress, we're making peripheral progress, and it's working

 Not bad for Rob Liefeld's original Jesus-loving, shoulderpad-wearing, man from the future.

 GLORY 33--Penultimate issue time, and holy shit this was . . .something. I mean, it was good, don't get me wrong. I just don't know how to react to the fact that Joe Keatinge wheeled out damn near every extant Rob Liefeld character from the entire history of Image to Awesome to . . .geez. That level of scholarship borders on the scary, but also awesome. For that one person in San Leandro California who wanted to see the return of Psilence--your day has come.

 Ross Campbell draws what is essentially an issue-long battle featuring people wrecking shit, wrecking monsters, wrecking each other, and culminates with a final scene I . . .did not see coming, and good on them for having the guts to do it with the proper gravity--it's not done for sensationalism, it's just swift, brutal, and shocking, and made me really want to see how it all wraps up next issue.

 I hate that this wasn't selling, but they've done a good job of making this feel like an earned ending that wasn't rushed to wrap up with the deadline. Keatinge and Campbell did a great job with this series, and I hope this series gains enough traction as people discover it and raises their profile.

 HARBINGER #8--In the unreviewed issue #7 we had the last of the "classic" Harbinger group introduced in Torque, who was substantially different from the original and the whole issue was. . .quite weird, but in an interesting sort of way.

 This issue, in the fallout from being ambushed by Harada and being rounded up, we stick with the one free member of the resistance, Zephyr and get more of a peek into her life up to this point, and what it's like to find out you have superpowers and you're the child of two geeks.

 One of the more interesting things about this iteration of Harbinger is the amount of sublimated elements of the original series and makes them explicit. For several issues now, Kris has been the de facto leader of the group despite being the least powerful (in comparison to Peter, who is the most powerful and totally sidelined) and now Zephyr steps up and decides to spring Peter from Harada's goons.

 While you don't really need to know all that has gone before to appreciate how these pieces have been re-arranged, it does add an extra layer to it. I continue to enjoy this book, as it does a great job of rotating in various character features without stalling the plot or skimping on action.

 JUSTICE LEAGUE #17-- "Throne of Atlantis" concludes this issue, and there's really only one reaction any right thinking person should have about it:

 The nicest thing I can say about "Throne of Atlantis" was that it only lasted three issues, and the extra-sized utterly incoherent conclusion forced out the Shazam backup, but even this is tinged with sadness, as "Throne of Atlantis" is so senseless, it makes senseless violence seems sensible and logical.

 Insofar as I have been able to determine there as a point to any of this mess is that Vulko, a member of Aquaman's supporting cast that if you don't read Aquaman you don;t give a shit about, took advantage of Ocean Master's bro-crush on Aquaman and made Ocean Master invade the surface world and then Aquaman has to beat up Ocean Master and take the throne back and somehow this takes three issues to resolve because Geoff Johns isn't even trying anymore.

 I know a lot of people have said that Aquaman is the new 52's big success, but I'm sorry, no he's not--we're just in that phase where DC is writing him like Namor, and he's been trapped so long in Boring Whitebread Classic Mode that this seems interesting--nor has he ever been.

 It's time--past time--to cut our losses and do something else.

 I live in hope that one day comic fans will realise that just because something's been around for 50 years doesn't mean it has to stay around forever. When that day happens, I will be able to wander into a comic store and see racks free of Hawkman, or Aquaman, or even, if I am very good and this is the best of all possible worlds, Hank Pym. That someday I will see the accumulated half-century of blather jettisoned of its less relevant bits that no longer speak to non-anoraks (or even anoraks like me who've given up) and maybe there will be some room for growth and thought to flourish. Not much--I'm not that naive--just maybe a little shoot or blade of grass between the cold, gritty, pavement stones on the road to hell.

 I didn't care for this book, and I continue not to care for this book, but I enjoy reviewing it all the same. There is something about its nihilistic bleakness, its mean pointlessness, and its utter barren artlessness that is a perfect crystallization of everything stupid and reductive that makes me philosophical. It's like a peyote button, only less healthy, less reputable, yet far more legal.

 

Just Sayin': Master Plan?

 So I stumbled upon this think piece today that suggests that DC's utterly slipshod, occasionally horrible, and generally ropey new 52 is actually a willful act of temporary self-sabotage so they can shed their audience of die-hard fans who've been with DC for years and chase after a younger, sexier, more sociopathic demographic.

 I don't buy a word of it. While I agree that DC Comics urgently needs an audience other than myself, There are several points where it falls apart for me:

 1. DC Comics has never shown an ability to plan anything comprehensively, not even a lunch order to the Chinese place down the street.

 2. Intentionally sabotaging yourself in halfhearted pursuit of rewards to be determined at a later date is stupid.

 3. If you get rid of all the die-hards who are positively obsessed with the minutiae of DC continuity and yet still seem to hate-buy all the books, are you going to put a bullet in Geoff Johns' head just to show you're serious? Because you're not exactly innocent from exploiting this particular obsession when it's convenient for you to do so guys, and by giving him the keys to the caddy, it's something you institutionalized.

 4. What the hell kinda way is that to motivate someone, Coach Lombardi? "Now get out there and SUCK!"

 5. There are two tracks of logic I follow on this, and both of them are horrible. Either DC Comics is conducting a long, epic, troll of the last remnants of comic fans, or this is really the best they can do.

The Witless Prattle Winter 2013 Viewing Guide!

Well, it seemed like people like to hear what I'm watching on TV (the notion I am a tastemaker is proof the world and indeed, the entire universe, has probably leapt off the track in a fundamental, irrevocable way) and I figured I'd let this lay morbid long enough (those Justice League posts grind the soul out of you, you know) so I thought, in the name of generating easy content providing you with new and insightful critical thoughts on the pop culture of our day.

This then, is a rundown of the shows I'm following here in the first quarter of 2013:

 AMERICAN DAD: I am endlessly fascinated by the notion that American dad has about two seasons worth of episodes in the can that they can roll out at will despite being pre-empted, forgotten and shoved aside for one-hour Family Guy episodes (usually dreadful) or an extra episode of The Cleveland Show (The Caddyshack 2 of spin-offs--let's just pretend it never happened) It's the Anti-South Park, in terms of how it feels about timeliness.

 This is to its benefit, as it's not hidebound by doing feeling like it has to be au courant (which it tried to do early on and it was just god-awful then) and so can pursue any lunatic tangent they feel, whether said tangent is a quadriplegic with telekinesis or just providing and excuse for Patrick Stewart to be utterly batshit insane and hilarity, typically results.

 Naturally, this is the one that no one watches so much so . . .yeah. Leave it to me to back the winner.

 TRON: UPRISING: Bit of a cheat this one, as it aired its last episode last Sunday, but I thought it was worth a mention all the same. This show kinda spun its wheels in place at the mid-season break (it felt very much like the final episode had come ten episodes before it actually did) but this turned into a pretty interesting show, expanding on the story in between the first and second movies (and probably having more story and more depth than both combined--I mean, I love the movies but they sure as heck aren't deep)

 Naturally, they ran it at midnight on Sunday and have no cancelled it because no one was watching. Is that a tautology or a truism? I'm not sure.

 JUSTIFIED: Last week, Justified had an interesting master villain for the season in in Robert Quarles, who met one of the most bizarre fates possible in a TV show. This year it seems there's a larger plot but no apparent master villain (to be be fair, after three seasons, that would get a bit rote if they didn't change it up) and in the meantime it gives us some time to see our nominal protagonist and antagonists--Raylan Givens and arch-nemesis/occasional ally Boyd Crowder deal with the fallout of certain seismic changes in their lives and situations.

 I'm kinda curious to see how this plot they're developing plays out, though it is some curious commonality that it's a cold case from the early 80's, considering . . .

 THE AMERICANS:  . . .this show, which debuted this week, also takes place in the early 80's. I was intrigued by the premise (KGB sleeper agents in 1981 America) and despite the fact that the lead character is Felicity (" . . .on the WB," I find myself adding silently. If you're too young to get that, yo're a young punk and I hate you) she's actually pretty damn awesome in this (I respect anyone who punts someone's head through drywall) and the pilot really impressed me.

 Barring one thing--while I appreciate these kinds of elements are there to prove to us that these people are Tough Bastards who work for Evil People, was it necessary to have KGBelicity raped by her superior on-camera just so we'd have a character connection when she kills him twenty years later while he's trying to defect? That's . . .well, it feels too easy and I guess I was hoping for more nuance.

 They're the KGB. If you know even a little bit about them, you know what kind of hard-asses they are.

 That said, it's got an interesting dynamic--KGBelicity is all gung-ho about killing people for the KGB, and her husband (whom she was pared up with in what it is assumed is a loveless arranged marriage for the sake of their cover) is quite impressed with the amenities of the west.

 I'm intrigued to see where this goes--the mise en scene is quite interesting (the Soviets reaction to Regan being installed in the pilot was telling and adds some tension, knowing as we do that the USSR will be very different come the end of the decade) and for all my wisecracks, KGBelicity is an ass-kicker par excellence.

 ARCHER: Speaking of spies (man, this made for a great segue trifecta) The several parts spy comedy/office comedy/meditation on collective madness recently returned for its fourth season this month, and it's said that this season will be a bit more serialised, and I can see a little of that. My main thing was--would it be funny?

 As of last week's episode, featuring one of the best final two minutes in the show's history, I can safely say . . .most definitely.

 GREEN LANTERN: THE ANIMATED SERIES: Initially, I really hated this damn show, because Hal Jordan is a deeply boring character crammed full of undeserved smugness and a 1960s, boring-ass, Chuck Yeager manque who come across as a self-absorbed asshole sixty years removed from that milieu.

 The show won me over by doing what the comics did long ago--by generally allowing Hal to do the heavy lifting with regards to plot so the other characters can be far more interesting and overshadow his milquetoast ass. See also: why do you think there are five Green Lanterns from Earth in the comics, all of whom, even undercooked though they may be, are far more interesting than Hal Jordan by several orders of magnitude.

 This has been recently cancelled to the surprise of no one (as it was made to tie-in to a movie no one liked enough to want to see any more of) and while it's kind of a shame it's being dropped just as it hits it's stride it's . . .enjoyable enough, but I won't miss it that much.


 YOUNG JUSTICE: You'll hear a lot of stuff about Young Justice being cancelled, because holy GOD are people angry about this. They're . . .well, everyone's entitled to their opinion, but Young Justice really dropped off for me in this season.

 I hated the multi-year jump they did at the beginning of the season (it's a bullshit way to kick over the table without doing it logically and I hate it so much.) and far too much of the consequences of decisions made in that time-jump (which we were mostly left out of seeing) were driving the story, which is a bit like trying to go on a road trip without tires--you can kinda do it, but you will face many problems brought on by a fundamental absence of very necessary things.

 Couple this with the fact that one of the major driving plots as of late happens entirely because no one is willing to have a conversation with people who should probably know about things so they don't screw them up and . . .yeah. It's OK, like Green Lantern's OK, but this was not the new Justice League Unlimited, nor was it the panacea for lapsed DC fans who hated the new 52--it was a generally not-terrible DC cartoon that was a passable way to kill a half-hour.

 And that's what's on the docket for winter. Pretty soon Mad Men will return (and so will my reviews--I have no idea why people love my writeups SO MUCH, but they do) and the last few Breaking Bad episodes will also unspool. So there's that going for us, which is nice.

These Are The Comics That Try Men's Souls

Well, it's that time once again, friends and neighbors, that time when we once again address my most recent haul of comics in our usual terms--typically hateful and hurtful ones, in most cases, and then we sometimes say something positive and it's so weird because well, we just don;t usually do that and then it's totally this odd kinda thing and yeah I better get on with it already.

 JUSTICE LEAGUE #15--There are people who say that the big success story of the new 52 is the new take on Aquaman, and these people are of course utterly wrong because of the following two reasons:

 1) People should, at their bare minimum, aim higher than "a take on Aquaman." Unless they're taking a piss on Aquaman comics. That's cool--I bet they're really absorbent.

 2) It's not that new or fresh a take on Aquaman, guys. Here, let me drop some science on you: There are two basic takes on Aquaman as a character, and the fact that there are only two should tell you something right there. The first (also known as DC's standard operating procedure, which is "do the same thing over and over again and hope that it comes out this time and HOW do you define 'insanity' again?") involves wading into Aquaman's brain-meltingly dull backstory, his stupid mise-en-scene, and the passel of ciphers called his supporting cast.

 When that (inevitably) fails, they go with option 2, which is to turn him into the Sub-Mariner. Again. And that's what the new take is, essentially--Aquaman's an asshole, and he knows all your Aquaman jokes. There. I saved you reading fifteen issues of a book I also did not read because it's freakin' Aquaman and we all have better things to do, even those of us with nothing to do.

 So, why all the Aquaman bile? Very simply, this issue begins the "Throne of Atlantis" story, because the only thing more exciting than reading about Aquaman is reading about Atlantis declaring war on the surface world. Only this time it's lead by Aquaman's dumb-ass brother Ocean Master and he's trying to drown people with tsunamis.

 It's a great big bland bowl of gruel that's as blank as a fart. Subplots tick over--Cyborg tries to convince us that Geoff Johns had an idea beyond "so they can't all be white? All right, stick Cyborg in. He's black, right?"  By giving him a whole page of him chewing over his daddy issues by talking to a TV screen (did you remember he had daddy issues? I know, I forgot too! Also I did not care!) and oh my god seriously Geoff Johns be more I hate you.

 Oh, and Superman and Wonder Woman continue their relationship--which I remind you is written with all the passion of a five year old stripping his sister's Barbie and Ken doll's doll-ass nekkid and grinding them against one another, as Superman explains why he wears the glasses as Clark Kent and holy shit I did not buy this metaphor when Mark Waid did it in Kingdom Come and I am not buying it here.

 But god dammit, this being a Geoff Johns Joint, I guess we HAD TO HAVE the Secret Origin of Clark Ken's Glasses in the New 52. I would like to think that Roy Thomas would have had more self-control than this. I would like to think that.

 In the name of saying something positive about this issue--and there is--Ivan Reis steps in as the new regular penciller. I like his stuff a lot, and he acquits himself well with the action and character moments. The weaknesses here are primarily at the writing and conceptual levels.

 Meanwhile, in the never-ending and never-interesting Shazam backup, Billy Batson finally manages to do some good in the most dickmosnterish way possible because of course he does. How many years has this backup been going on? Six issues? It feels like the halfway mark with Cerebus--the back Dave-Sim-is-wayyyy-off-his-nut half, only that was more exciting and more even-handed with regards to gender politics.

 Geoff Johns ends the story the only way he knows how to end stories going back to JSA--with a full-page reveal of the last page with Black Adam finally finding Shazam and Shazam getting a goooooood look at Adam's junk. Seriously, this is like his thing--every damn book, it seems he does this--full page splash, hero on the ground or looking up, villain looming as the focus of the page and saying one or two words that are supposed to be ominous and cliffhangery but . . .aren't.

 I don't care for this comic, but it's fascinating in a way that it takes the white light of everything I hate about big two superhero comics and prisms it out into a neat rainbow of joyless mediocrity where craft is insignificant, talent elusive, and the overall feeling is one of sadness.

 EVAN DORKIN'S HOUSE OF FUN--I enjoyed the "Broken Robot" strips and "Least Beloved Ultraman Monsters (According To Some Very Agitated Men On An Internet Message Board)" way more than I probably should. I also chuckled at the Milk and Cheese strips because, well, I would, wouldn't I? Didn't really care much for the Eltingville stuff, which seemed to go on a bit too long at the end, but in all, a lot of good zany, occasionally angry fun. It's not Tales Designed To Thrizzle, but it will do in a pinch.

 BATWOMAN #15--Well, this issue doesn't move the plot ahead one iota, the join between J.H. Williams III's framing sequence and Trevor McCarthy's interior pages is very plain despite McCarthy trying to keep it in line with Williams' "gritty" line style, buuuut . . .I still kinda liked this one. It's mostly told from the perspective of Maggie Sawyer, Kate's love interest, and while there are some bits where the notes ring a little shrill, if the overplot for the last year and change is not really fussed with making a lot of sense, then this kind of more interior story is less grating, if you ask me.

 J.H. Williams is leaving Batwoman soon, (as with the banana stand, there's always money in Sandman) and while that's sad, I've felt quite a bit lately that I want to like the book more than i actually like the book. Stylistically it's very interesting, but not much else. So I'm intrigued to see how (and if) it continues with some fresh blood added to the equation.

 Unless it's Jim Balent, in which case I can only imagine the amount of stroke victims that will be checked into our nation's hospitals following the announcement.

 GLORY #31--Heading towards the finale, and while the expected outcome of all this would be a prolonged fight with Glory and Nanaja's father, Keatinge subverts our expectations and the main conflict takes places over a rather contentious (and hilarious) breakfast.

 Ross Campbell does his usual wonderful job with it all, drawing powerful people in really expressive ways, and I really like Ulises Farinas' guest turn in this issue--his art has some similarities with Campbell's (most notably the "heft" he gives the action scenes) but the work is blockier, more illustrative, and he is quite a find.

 I will really miss this book when it's gone.

 PROPHET#32--I wonder if the reason people keep falling back on comparing Prophet to Heavy Metal is because it's very difficult to encapsulate what it's trying to evoke in terms other than that--Prophet tends to tell these expansive, quiet, lonely existential stories with mind-bogglingly weird images and makes no effort to ground it in any sort of identifiable reality the reader might recognise but has this identifiable logic that a reader can get into, with a little effort.

 It's a very strange book, but quite enjoyable.


 HARBINGER #7--People have said that this book is far more decompressed than the original, and to an extent, they're right--measured against the original, we're on issue #4 or so versus #7 of the new version. But two things make this OK here--for one thing, we're getting much more character with team members as we add them along--this issue, it's Flamingo, who got pretty short shrift in the original (her character was hastily sketched in as "promiscuous bad girl trying to be good") and how they relate to themselves and the group.

 Also, the bits with Zephyr in the strip club were damned funny.

 This felt like it was still moving forward--subplots tick over, and Kris has taken full charge and has a plan to create a resistance force against Harada. Shes more overtly Machiavellian in this version, and it's far more interesting as opposed to the original version--greying both sides like this makes for an intriguing story.

 I have no real ending for this, but I suppose if I were Geoff Johns, this post would end with me floored while Per Degaton or someone floated above me saying something horrible like "I have no pants on under my uniform and you will stare at my time-tossed red man-bush," but really, that is not a thing I would do to you. Plus, I think it's more clever and post-modern when these posts just stop abru

DULL SURPISE IS GO!

Superman . . .did that sound better in your head BEFORE you said it?

Just Sayin'--Can This Stop Being A Thing?

 It's been twelve years or so--Can the notion of "the black ops superhero team" please fuck off and die already?

 If there is another odious holdover from the Bush years than trying to use superheroes--those gaudy-coloured champions of truth and justice for covert action--dressing all in black and farting around a noirish world of ethical compromise and wetwork as a way of making a trenchant commentary on The Issues of Our Time or, as is usual, proving that Comics are Serious Fucken Business that needs to stop happening now, I really don't know what that might be.

 Not just because it reeks of "Oh man, I wonder what 24 would be like if Wolverine was in it!" but more because "black ops superhero" joins "jumbo shrimp" "military intelligence" and "widely-read comics blog Witless Prattle" in the pantheon of ridiculous contradictions in terms.

 Because superheroes are meant to be rather larger than life--they stick out. Yes, even darker characters like Batman and Wolverine and the Punisher are exaggerated caricatures of humanity, which is fine if you're writing superhero comics, but dropping them into the world of black ops is . . .well, you might as well hang a "please shoot the fuck out of me" sign around their necks.

 Conversely, Sam Fisher doesn't run around with his jockeys on the outside.Something to do with the fifth freedom or whatever, maybe.

 Let me pull back one remove and try to explain it to you like this:

 For all the chin-wagging about Christopher Nolan making a "realistic" take on Batman, there is no way Batman makes sense past a certain point without completely breaking either the character or plausibility, because in a "realistic" world, people don't dress up like fucking bats. There is no way around this: either you accept a world where people dress as bats is not equal to realism (and we wouldn't want it to be) or you find some grown-up shit to read and stop insisting that things that belonged in fucking childhood grow up with you because that impulse, like cholera, blights all it touches.

 Because really, it's just a dodge. For "Black-ops superhero" read: "I am a grown ass man still reading superhero comics. Rather than accept this as an effort on my part to connect with the child within or as a nostalgia exercise, I demand--nay, insist--that comics grow up with me, because the outside world terrifies me, and by growing up with superheroes, it is my hope that I will arrest the flow of time and never have to confront a world that requires adult judgment and adult modes of thought. Thus, I will grow larger, rather than older."

  It puzzles and baffles me that sooner than let a medium that gives free rein to imagination in ways that few others can do on the same personal level, instead of letting it work to make all wishes possible, we tear it down and insist it parrot the dull-ass world outside our window.  It's a shame.

Just Sayin'--Seasonal Affective Backlog

 Well, I guess I let this lie longer than I thought. Once again, 'tis I, I'm back and I had two months worth of comics come in this week, so it's high time to look 'em over and see what's what.

 All except Justice League #13-14. They were a special kind of terrible that must be handled in its own very special. Really. Just . . .awful.

 Anyways--let's get down to it!

 HARBINGER #5-6: So we're getting more into the classic mode of Harbinger storytelling, as Pete Stanchek finally escapes from Harada and strikes out on his own. Out of a window.

 But before he can get too far, he's interrupted from his suicidal FU by Zephyr, and man, did I ever miss characters like Zephyr. As she was in the OG version, she's quite into the idea of being superpowered, which is good, because in this version a little leavening of the angst is always good (not that I'm complaining--one of the the things I'm enjoying about the new Harbinger is that it makes no bones about the idea that Stanchek is potentially just as bad as Harada actually is at the moment) and . . .

  . . .given that in the very next issue things are heating up plot-wise, that's a good thing. Issue #6 brings us back to Kris Hathaway, who you might remember Stanchek mind-controlling into loving him (remember how I said he was potentially a shitheel? Crap like this is why) in the original book, Kris was the glue that held the team together (in ways both overt and covert, but no reason to be beholden to comics more than twenty years old now) In the new version, Stanchek, guilty about manipulating her, offers to let her kill him.

  Kris sees right through it, of course--he's giving her permission, and that's bullshit. It's a good scene, and Dysart really does well with the implications of everything, and as much as I like Zephyr, I really came around to Kris this issue. While, yeah, it took them six issues to get where the original got at by issue four, I don't mind decompression if you use it like this: wherein a character in the story encapsulates what the book is really about: who has power, how do they use it, and what about the people who get caught up in their wake.

 I'm really enjoying this book.

 GLORY #29-30 Speaking of books I enjoy (gonna be sad when this one finishes soon) Glory's quest to deal with her father enters its final act, but before then, she's got to swing by Paris to enlist her sister, Nanaja, who curses up a storm and, it must be said, is more than a bit murder-happy. That works OK for this book, as it's an excuse for Ross Campbell to draw some ultra-violence (in addition to drawing woman who are built like brick shithouses, Campbell does a phenomenal job of drawing impacts--you can feel and see the heft and effect of every punch thrown) which, bless him he does so very well indeed.

 I enjoyed the little Fantomas bit at the opening of Issue #30--it was a good palate cleanser before the Glory/Nanaja fight, and made for a fun little contrast as well. I quite enjoyed these two issues, and I'm intrigued to see how it comes along as we go through the home stretch.

 PROPHET #30-31: I wonder if Rob Liefeld is impressed that his Captain America/Iron Man analogue, Diehard is being used in the entertainingly bizarre way he is in these stories. As much as I appreciate the bizarre imagery that's all over these two issues, I think I appreciate the meditative pace even more, as it makes the surreal images that saturate this book even more dreamlike. I have no notion of where it's going, but it's to Brandon Graham's credit that I am really enjoying the journey.

CYBERFORCE #1: Well, it was free, so there's that. I've always had a strange affection for Cyberforce, one of the vanguard of the early Image books, back when superhero comic's top-flight creators all simultaneously decided to create knockoffs of the X-Men and publish them for the purposes of making lots of monies (I kid, I kid) partly because I was at the ideal age to get fired up by those comics, and partly because this is the book that introduced the man, the myth, the legend--WARBUK to a world that had been waiting for him all their collective lives.

 Cyberforce, you might remember, was resurrected as a free comic thanks to a successful Kickstarter campaign, and apparently, I'm not alone in my love for the comic.

 Unfortunately . . .this is kinda not good. It's confusing, enervating, hatefully opaque with regards to the plot, and doesn't really intrigue me enough to  think about reading more. There's none of the ferocious energy and slick action that characterized the original book, and it's not like Prophet or Glory where there's a sufficiently imaginative take on the material to offset that, and I can't really pick out any character apart from maybe three (Velocity, Ballistic, and Aphrodite IX)

 And also. . .no WARBUK.

 I think you could launch Cyberforce again in a way that would really grip one's shit, but I'm not really sure this is the way to do it.Nice to see it back for the 20th anniversary of Image tho, I reckon.

 BATWOMAN #13-14: Now how do I review this? It looks beautiful, oh my God does it ever look gorgeous. I love that J.H. Williams III is able to do these ornate spreads that are visually striking and still move the story along.

 I do, however, wish the story in question was actually interesting and hadn't been plodding along, to one extent or another in near-perfect stasis, for the past ten issues now. While I appreciate that Wonder Woman's teaming up with Batwoman (and thus giving Batwoman some legitimacy and integrating her with the DCU independent of the Batman family), and the Flamebird plot is moving forward (slowly, my God how slowly) and the various other subplots are ticking over, I find myself intensely frustrated because it's been ten fucking issues and we're just now seeing Medusa and I kind of just want it all to be over now and move on to something else that doesn't run so long and get so baroque that I don't care anymore.

So that's my comic haul. Join us next time when I rip into Justice League #13-14, featuring furry porn, every Geoff Johns tic I can't stand, plotting so static it could be late-model Claremont at his deadly worst, female characters that make the cast of Tarot seem enlightened, romance so lifeless it might as well be necrophilia, and more of the utterly god-awful "Shazam" story. If you missed the days when I would rip shit out of a comic I bitterly loathed, well, that time is now again.

Just Sayin'--Random Impulse Buying

In which we blather a bit about stuff I bought recently, because comic reviews would be a novelty at this point, wouldn't they?

 GAMBIT #1--Man, it's terrifying that Gambit's been around for twenty-plus years, isn't it? As with all X-Characters, this means he's accumulated a bewildering amount of ill-advised retcons and continuity wrinkes--everything from being an accessory to mass murder to being *snicker* Black Gambit, and like all X-characters, his function now appears to be a living reminder of the 90's being dreadful, which is funny since things are so good now, right?

 In any event, for this series, James Asmus dials everything back to the base concept--Gambit's a thief with superpowers, stealing stuff in a superhero universe. It's a simple enough storytelling idea, and if it looks familiar, it's pretty much the same engine that drove Catwoman for many a year.

 But it's the first time it's really been done with Gambit, who's generally been too mired in X-Continuity to be allowed to be in anything that basic or -gasp!- possibly possessing a voice of its own.

 But here we get that. By the second page, we've got a mission statement--he's not wearing the pink costume, the accent's not going to be so overdone, he's not going to be a schoolteacher (Huh. That's what he's doing now? Okay . . .)  and he's just stealing stuff. It's sleek, simplistic, easily graspable, and you don't have to know who the hell BellaDonna was, for which I am eternally grateful, because that means I can let that information go.

 I'm a sucker for good caper stories, wherein a heist is meticulously planned, there are complications, and the third act is eluding the resultant blowback. Asmus does a great job of setting that up and the book moves in a way that I was wondering if comics post-decompression really knew how to do.

 BUT, the big thing I wanted to commend Asmus for is on the top panel of the 5th page, which has a bunch of party chatter featuring people talking about collecting insurance when Iron Man crashed into their building, tourism in the Microverse, fair trade stuff from the Savage Land. It's a little bit of business and really only exists to set up some atmosphere, but it's a flourish I quite like, as it ads a layer of verisimilitude (NOT realism) to the book and grounds everything out in a very subtle way.

 I liked this more than I expected, given the lead character's decades of ropey story decisions.

 WORLD'S FINEST #2 & 4--In theory, I should like this a lot more than I do. I like Kevin Maguire, I like George Perez, and the idea of Power Girl and Huntress teaming up as refugees from Earth-2 and trying to make it on Earth-1, but. . .somehow, it's not coming together. I don't know if it's a pacing issue or what but it just isn't coming together some how.

 I don't get the impression that it's due to anyone giving less than their best. I'm just not sure it's gelling.

 EARTH-2 #4--Speaking of that . . .While in principle I like that the book is trying to find new ways to re-make the Justice Society in new versions . . .I'm not sure it works against the backdrop of Solomon Grundy as Nekron, standing around making rotten stuff grow and yelling about "the green champion." It's a threat trying to be BIG, but not quite getting there.

 On the plus side, there's some hints of interesting characters around that--Flash and Hawkgirl have some good chemistry as characters and Nicola Scott is a phenomenal artist. I just wish it didn't feel so static. As it is, in a few issues, once we're past Solomon Nekron, we might be on the way to something.

 TALES DESIGNED TO THRIZZLE #8--Because we should end on a high note and also a very disturbingly hilarious one, I was fortunate to find this on one of my many sojourns out. Featuring a wildly inaccurate treatise on trains, a murder-happy goat-riding Angela Lansbury, and culminating with a wildly inaccurate and somewhat insanely plotted story of Richard Nixon trying to kill the astronauts who landed on the moon which is sponsored by a salad dressing that instigates orgies, this is Michael Kupperman at his dadaist best. It'll be a shame when this book is gone, as it functions as a very effective way to clear the mind. Kinda like peyote, only legal.

Just Sayin'--JUSTICE LEAGUE #11

So, uhm, Geoff Johns is really over-obsessed with this notion that you need your families tragically massacred to be a good superhero, huh?

It's weird, because I read this, and I was re-reading X-Tinction Agenda and thinking of how Jim lee's stuff really supercharged a generation of fanboys twenty plus years ago, and I look at what they're doing now and how. . .dull . . .it is. Seriously: 11 issues in and its still age after page of everyone being assholes to each other and occasionally fighting each other (which means that they've fought Parademons and themselves. In one year's time.)

 Why, of all the things to let Jim Lee draw, do you let him draw this? If the point of the new-52 stuff was to bring in a new generation of comic fans and put your best foot forward (let's be charitable and say that was their intent) why is it this? Were the silent generations of comic fans after me crying out for a book full of ciphers who argue all the time and some dickhead wannabe supervillain who talks to his dead family and goes around killing supporting cast members because of reasons far too inscrutable to be explained because all Geoff Johns really cares about is wringing every drop of blood out of this whole "defining element of tragedy" folderol.

 I'm not going to say that X-Men or anything like that was high art or anything, but it actually gripped your shit and engaged you, even if it was only on the base "this is cool!" level. This was so bland I didn't even notice the flip-over to Geoff Johns Black Adam Fanfiction--er, the Shazam backup. It's all of the same unvarying mood, so there wasn't anything to separate it out. This comic is as blank as a fart.

Just Sayin'--Words of Congratulation

Just want to say huge ups to friend of the Prattle Kelly Thompson for not only hitting her initial goal of $8,000 to fund publication of her book, The Girl Who Would Be King, but with 14 hours (at this writing) to go, hit her stretch goal of $25,000, all at her Kickstarter page.

It's great when things come together for you, and it's great when people rally around you and believe in something you've put a lot of work in. When they believe three times as much as you thought they would it has to feel beyond good, and we here at the Prattle salute her and wish her the best.

 I hope partying was/is involved. Lord knows, wins like this should be enjoyed to the hilt. In writing her novel, it seems Ms. Thomspon has also penned a success story.

This is, I should also point out, not our final check-in with the inimitable Ms. Thompson's book, as to commemorate the positing in full of the first book of it over at her blog as of Thursday, I intend to do a full write-up of what I've read so far. Partly because it's a great work full of dozens of layers and metaphors, and commentary on a multitude of subjects while being a cracking good story in the bargain. That it's done with such assurance and a deft hand and this is her first novel is no mean feat in and of itself.

And also because I buried the initial plug under a lot of cussing about the current dreary state of comics and I felt I could do better. So look for that later in the week, and once again--Congratulations, Kelly!

Just Sayin'--THE DARK KNIGHT RISES

Yes, well.

 It's got some real story problems, as things happen in the first act because the need to more than because there's logic underlying them, the nods to political issues of the day are a bit eye-rolling and nowhere near as integrated as well as in The Dark Knight, Catwoman shifts alliances in whatever direction is most convenient to move the plot along (and this is a problem, as she's the best character in the movie) the villains are weak, as they're thinly drawn for the sake of a third act shocker, it's a bit too long and slack in the middle and there are a couple twists there at the end too many for the film's own good.

 But on the whole, it's entertaining enough. It's more like Batman Begins than The Dark Knight, with all the problems that involves (there are many McGuffins like Begins' microwave train in this movie) and I didn't have as good a time as I did with The Avengers, nor did I feel like things were raised to a new level as I did with The Dark Knight (which is easily the best of the three) but it was serviceable enough and provided a fitting, if problematic end to things.

Just Sayin'--The 31st Century's Yesterday

 I was recently engaged in a discussion with someone elsewhere about comics, and the subject of the Legion of Superheroes came up, and it became, as all Legion discussions have since 1986, a rumination of how to "fix" the Legion and how to "make it work" for a broader audience.

 And strangely enough, though I was never what you call a hardcore fan of the Legion (and even if I was, the past 25 years have surely taught hardcore Legion fans the error of their ways, I expect) I spoke up and made what I felt was a modest proposal, which I'm going to tease out a bit longer before we get to it.

 A lot of approaches have been tried--shifting the status quo ahead to leap over the continuity problems and move relentlessly forward (whilst codifying fanfiction) making the Legion into a youth movement, or just saying "hang it all" and stating over from scratch, re-telling the classic stories with whatever character shook out from the last continuity fix.

 I'm not the first person to weigh in the comics blogging game to weigh in on this (certainly not the most famous) but I will share with you my idea. The main thrust of it is this:

 1. You don't need Superboy

 2. You don't need R.J. Brande as the driving mechanism behind the formation of the Legion, because it's silly and not needed.

 3. That firewall of superheroes between the present DC time and the future is where you should focus.

 So! In Legion-time, mankind has colonised the stars, and thanks to special adaptations, you now have entire planets full of superhumans. And yet, for at least a millennium, the concept of superheroes has been forgotten about.

 Why? Maybe in a society where everyone's super, no one is (a la The Incredibles) Maybe there's just been an exceedingly peaceful period of time (unlikely) maybe there was some great singularity point concurrent with humans migrating to space that shook up society so much that it fell away from the public consciousness.

 They've kind of fallen into the same level of common myth that Robin Hood or the Knights of the Round Table have in our day and age--everyone knows the story, but no one really believes them all that much. This serves the purpose of setting the stage and also hopefully satiates those tedious tits who write that superheroes are the modern myth all the damn time.

 And so, you set the stage for a group of young and old idealists from all the worlds of the galaxy banding together in the style of the Justice League or the Justice Society, or more appropos, the Teen Titans, and are equal parts the wave of the future and an echo of the distant past (or present) This would, I'd think, open things up to be able to tell superhero stories and build in the mythology worth using without it becoming this inscrutable mess that appeals only to the dwindling part of a dwindling whole.

 And maybe we should also stop calling everyone "lad" and "lass," now.

Just Sayin'--HARBINGER (2012) #1 and #2

 So today was, for me, new comic day and the first two issues of Harbinger were in this month's haul.

 I was a fan of the early Valiant stuff back in the 1990s, and Harbinger was one of my favourite books--generally a slightly darker take on the X-Men paradigm wherein everything was inverted, more or less, and Professor X was recast as Toyo Harada, benign would-be ruler of the next generation of humanity. It was an interesting book, and I was quite impressed with it, especially given my surprise that Jim Shooter could actually write younger people in a slightly more natural style than I would have guessed from what he'd written previous.

 For its 2012 iteration, Joshua Dysart doesn't really reinvent the wheel--the story is still primarily occupied with keeping our heroes "on the run," though he's a good deal more ready to make the book's lead character, Peter Stanchek, a more morally ambiguous character earlier on than Shooter did, which allows him to highlight a few more realistic notions of what being an immensely powerful telepath might be like--namely, constantly doping yourself to shut out the multitude of voices being broadcast to you.

 There was some concern I noticed when the first Valiant book--X-O Manowar--launched, namely that it was decompressed all to hell. Harbinger . . .isn't, exactly, at least not in comparison to the original, because the original wasn't really a "team book," as much as an opportunity to throw a number of disparate characters together and let them play off each other while the larger conflict hummed along in the background. With regards to pacing, it's hard to compare Harbinger now with Harbinger then, because they're both kind of deliberately paced.

 There's also an effort to tie new-era Valiant continuity in a bit tighter than they did twenty years ago (Valiant books tended to gradually link up only after establishing their own identity--it's when they reversed that they got in a mess) and that's not bad, per se. Just. . .different.

 Khari Evans does a great job with the pencilling, and the whole package feels like it was worth the 4 bucks per issue. So far, it's a worthy successor to the original that adapts the best ideas but adds in enough shading to make it feel very much now.

 This was a pleasant surprise--I'm intrigued to see where this goes from here.

Just Sayin'--Wrath Of Con

I have to say, I found Abhay Koshla's run-down of ComicCon far more hilarious than anything that has happened or will happened at this year's Comicon:

"SATURDAY — 2 pm to 5 pm– PRESS CONFERENCE: Excitedly declare to bored, cow-eyed onlookers that the fact that people with bad taste have enough money to purchase art of questionable merit produced by dull people with limited ambition for the benefit of sinister corporations means that the “nerds have won.” When asked what has been won, pause, stare off into the distance, until finally whispering “t-he pennant… yeah… the pennant… wildcat… Wild….cat….. I’m going to go.” Reasonably assume that nerds having won means that someone else will be responsible for my laundry. End up wearing dirty clothes.

SATURDAY — 5 pm to 6 pm — PANEL: HOUSE OF IDEAS: Invite area youths to ask me questions, but answer every question with hostility, sarcasm, and condescension, suggesting an out of control ego wildly inconsistent with any of my actual accomplishments.

SATURDAY — 6 pm to 7 pm — UTA/ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY/TWILIGHT/TAMPAX PARTY: Stand outside party thrown for the benefit of beautiful, rich people. Whisper, “But I thought the nerds had won. W-what about Obama?” into tree trunk.

SATURDAY — 7pm to 12 pm– EISNER AWARDS: Named for famed third-grade classmate Doug “D-Dog” Eisner, the Eisner awards are the most prestigious award in my apartment. Win in every category. Deliver moving, yet boldly subversive acceptance speech to empty apartment. Halfway through speech, slowly realize that the only winner is the only person nominated. Award ceremony still lasts five hours out of obligation to remember elderly cartoonists who have died in auto-erotic accidents within the last six weeks. End In Memorium section by screaming, “We’ll miss you most of all, guy who inked two issues of SCAMP AND THE MUFFIN back in 1932, you crotchety old pervert.” Scream that loud enough that God finally stops ignoring my screams. Finally. Finally."

 Read the whole thing here, and be sure to stay for Tucker Stone's hilarious evisceration of this week's comics. Is the Stone/Khosla team my favourite way to spend Friday? It sure is, other Kazekage, it sure is.

 

Just Sayin'--News of the Weird

 Hey y'all. Apologies for the lack of updates but honestly, I've found that the more I talk about comics the more I find the whole thing a loathsome, depressing waste of time and years for the days when I was still doing Mad Men reviews and could languish in the happy optimism that was it's existential depression, sexual degradation, self-destruction and promises of suicide. You know, the good old days.

 It's almost not even anger any more so much as it is an awful, sobering epiphany that what you hoped for is never going to come and you are alone in the universe, only since this is superhero comics, there's really no need for Claremontian highfalutin' bullshit like that. It's just this general annoyance and irritation about superhero comics that I can't shake. Nevertheless, I am here to entertain you, so let's look at the news, shall we?

 Did anyone actually like Before Watchmen? It's out now, so I guess we're past the "preliminary debates" to the "so how bad does it stink" phase now. I've been reading the reviews--not because I give a shit about the reviews (I know what happens before Watchmen, possibly because I read Watchmen), but because it's an interesting psychological study. The few sites that have review it so far seemed to be doing a sterling job of apologising for its existence, and I'm amazed so many can hold their nose and type, but after a few weeks, one imagines someone who is not me would have brought up the singular burning question about Before Watchmen (besides the "where the fuck did all these experts on Charlton comics come from all of a sudden?") namely, WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT OF DOING A PREQUEL THAT IS COMPRISED OF FLASHBACKS WHEN THE ORIGINAL BOOK WAS 60% FLASHBACKS ALREADY?

 I know the reason, of course. Money. Obviously. I remember Bill Hicks, after lambasting Hulk Hogan as a "pituary retard," followed it up with the observation that "that retard makes more money than you" and suddenly snapped, "IS THAT ALL IT IS--FUCKING MONEY?"

 Guess so. Sorry Bill.

 And today comes word of Marvel Now We Put 2012 on the Cover And Hope You Don't Realise It's The Same Shit By The Same People (Now With Musical Chairs!) I think, after a certain point, if you've rebooted and relaunched and rolled back and fuck I'm out of euphemisms this much, you really might as well not bother pretending that comics should be in any way shape or form sequential any more, so just cram whatever random bullshit you want in there. You know--one month every word balloon is just "potzrebie" over and over again, the next issue is just a big foldout of a stick figure with enormous genitals with the and arrow pointing to "MY NUTS" Marvel has all but declared war on logic, common sense, and the notion of respecting anyone's intelligence, why not go all the way?

 But guys, it's not all terrible. Nope. I refuse to drown and froth in rage--we're gonna finish on a high note. The estimable Kelly Thompson has been sharing excerpts of her future book (and current Kickstarter success story), The Girl Who Would Be King at her blog, and I've been reading along and I must say . . .it's great stuff y'all. There's a little bit of Unbreakable in it, what with how she's grounding the tropes of superhero comics in a real-world setting (while still using to the tropes of superhero comics to shape the perceptions of what having superpowers would be like) but without the dour joylessness that Unbreakable had. No, the characters who get superpowers in this book think it's really damn cool to have them and have a bit of fun with them, even as they try to grapple with the real-word downsides of things like super-strength (namely hitting someone without super-strength might actually kill them)

 It manages to do the exact reverse of what injecting "realism" into comics generally does--bog them down into grim blatherskite and general impotence, and show up the self-consciousness that seems to drive most superhero books nowadays. With The Girl Who Would Be King, the real world refracted through the superhero prism is a place of hope, danger, heightened possibilities. It's exciting.

 I don't wanna say too much because I don;t want to spoil it. I will say this--it doesn't feel like the glum "deconstruction of superheroes/OMG what if superheroes were like, real?" stories that we've been living in the black shadow of lo these many years. It feels like--and I apologise if this is a really silly metaphor, like someone took the Lego blocks of superhero comics and concepts and instead of building the 747 that was pictured on the box--built this cool otherworldly spaceship that looks really sleek and badass. Both could fly, but one takes the past and makes something interesting and makes you excited about what may come next. The other's just a 747.

 It does not feel like Watchmen leftovers, or Johnsian devotion to a past that never really existed, or Bendisian homogenization--it's got some real thought in it, some heart to it, and a lot of fun in it. It's well worth a read, and I highly recommend checking it out.

Just Sayin'--Bullet Points

 In which I try to cover some of the news stories in comics which I have studiously ignored trying to talk about, focusing instead on the cheerier task of covering Mad Men, which for those of you not following the Mad Men reviews has included one character committing suicide and the entire firm in one way or another being complicit for turning one of their own out.

 All told, leagues more fun than anything going on in superhero comics.

 Yes, I would rather write about that than fucking Before Watchmen: The Phantom Menace.

 So, these things happened:

 1. Alan Scott comes out as gay, Internet (not surprisingly) reacts a lot like this:



 2. Just in case the notion of Before Watchmen: Donuts Don't Wear Alligator Shoes as anything other than a naked cash grab was not clear, buy the fucking toaster.

 3. Concomitant with Before Watchmen, every goddamn argument about it on the internet repeats the same points pro and con. And why the hell are there so many Charlton comics experts now when there haven't been Charlton comics for 30 years, and even when there were, no one gave a shit? Why, one would assume people didn't know what they were talking about

 4. Justice League and Batwoman nosedive, become so unreadable that Liefeld comics almost seem like Neil Gaiman by comparison. I had zero expectations that Justice League would be anything less than mediocre, but hoped that maybe DC would see the advantage of having Jim Lee drawing it to make everything sleek and energetic and moving forward.

 That hasn't happened. The plot is muddled to the point of incomprehensibility (there's a villain who was the guy in the backmatter of issues 1-5 and I'm supposed to give a shit about any of this why?) The art is static and muddied, everyone's the same alpha-male caricature, and the whole thing just feels so boring. And let us not even speak about the Shazam strip.

  I'm done there.

 Batwoman, never the most lickety-split of comics decided to further bog down by fragmenting it's latest story arc into a lot of character-specific bits that make the story even more muddled and confusing and slow slow slow oh my God so slow.

 On the plus side, Trevor McCarthy is a more natural fit for the tone of the book than Amy Reeder was, though that's not meant as a knock against Reeder at all--she was just Jimi Hendrix playing in the Beatles.

 Bottom line, Batwoman is a great-looking book that has become bewilderingly inscrutable, and it's on the bubble.

 Thus, I think we're all caught up now. There's a few trades I'll be covering in the coming weeks after Mad Men is all done, and maybe some more things as my interest/rage compel me.

Just Sayin'--AVENGERS, and This and That.

 So, just got back from seeing Avengers, and, one week after Cabin in the Woods set my teeth on edge with its insufferable Whedon-ness, I bet you'd think I hated it, right?

 Well, I didn't. I don't know whether it was because he had to rein it in or what, but it was exactly what I wanted--superheroes fighting giant monster as Asgardians and flying dugongs and shit like that. Everyone gets a cool bit, no one gets sidelined, it's just a great well-rounded team movie, a feat which I thought was impossible. The usual Whedon hallmarks are turned way down and when they show up, they're rare enough that they're actually funny.

 My only quibble is: So is Maria Hill just there to make all the mistakes and get clowned so Nick Fury doesn't have to look bad? It is difficult for me to see the point of her.

 Oh, and the whole echoing 9/11 stuff was a little tacky, guys. Let's not not do that, shall we?

 Anyways, go see it. BUT--if you DO go see it, I urge you to consider Jon Morris' suggestion of matching your ticket price with a donation to the Hero Initiative. It's a good idea and a good cause, and with all that's been happening in comics and all that has been discussed here recently around the nets . . .well, let's NOT talk for once and just do a little good, hm?

 I'm not insisting you do it, I just want you to consider it.

 Anyways, some comics!

 GLORY #23--Oh Rob Liefeld, your attempts to continuity-implant a whole history for your Extreme characters was uproariously funny back in the 90's. He actually had a guy who was all but the Sub-Mariner, and his name was "Namor" spelt backwards. Liefeld, you crazy.

 Anyways, you may remember that Glory almost became Promethea before Alan Moore's cheques from the Rob didn't clear, and none of this has very much to do with the new series, which is good, because the new series is . . .well, quite a lot of fun, really. The first issue is a little elliptical and has a rather curious nested structure, but reads for me in a way that draws you in and makes you interested in what's happening rather than the confusing impenetrable mishmosh that usually comes from writers who think they can pull some Alan Moore level formalist shit.

 In any event, a lot is set up here, we get a cross-section of Glory's history, a lot of exposition framed around some action so it doesn't reek of padding or nothing and ends of a cliffhanger that gets you kind of excited to see where they go from here.

 PROPHET #24--I've heard people compare this to a story from the glory days of Heavy Metal, and y'know, they're not wrong. There's a sense of coming in in the middle installment of some untranslated Heavy Metal story wherein a man (mostly) silently wanders through ever more trippy set-pieces and gonzo ideas (like a synthetic skin that heals you and is essentially a giant transparent baby) and none of it makes any obvious sense, but is very intriguing in its minimalism.

 It was very much like reading a Metroid comic featuring Solid Snake instead of Samus and drawn by Tim Truman. I have no real problem with any of the things in that sentence. It's amazing that we've come so far from Prophet as a born-again Christian Warpath/Shatterstar mashup (yes, that was a thing which happened) and I'm really intrigued by it and it's odd voice and synthesis of genres. It's well worth a look.

Just Sayin'--JUSTICE LEAGUE: DOOM (2012)

You know, I wonder sometimes if, just like Larry Niven probably wonders if people ever really figured out that "Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex" was supposed to be a joke, does Grant Morrison ever regret that people apparently took the wrong lesson from the hyper-competent Batman he first wrote in JLA?

I bring this up because this here movie is based on Mark Waid's "Tower of Babel" storyline in JLA and . . .you know, generally I like Morrison, and I like Mark Waid, but uh. . .guys? All that shit with the OMACS and Batman being clever enough to launch a satellite without anyone knowing? This. . .kinda came from that.

I also wanted to say that because I feel bad saying this, but I hope Dwayne McDuffie is remembered more his adaption of "All-Star Superman" than this, because it's . . .well, it has major problems.

The opening fight with the Royal Flush Gang is pretty awesome, and yet . . .no other action set piece after that feels like it has that level of intensity and action to it, and this is a movie wherein the Justice League fights the Legion of Doom and flies to the sun and shit.

Worse still, even thought Batman tried and nearly succeeded in killing the League with his contingencies, he's. . .well, nothing super-bad happens to him. Hell, Superman even says "Oh yeah man, you're probably right. here's that Kryptonite bullet you shot me with! Hang on to it in case you need to shoot me again, dude!" and Batman is all like "OK I will."

And. . .hm. Doesn't so much end as stop, really. Because I kept waiting for something else to happen and it never really did. And no, Cyborg joining the league doesn't count, because it has the same problem as putting him in the Justice League--he just kinda shows up and pitches in entirely accidentally.

While I appreciate that they want to bump him up to the top of the card, and I totally agree it's a worthwhile thing, the problem you have is that he need to do something to justify his presence. Every other member of the JLA got to show up and be all badass without a lot of "what am I doing here" hand-wringing, and it's a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy: they come off as Bad Motherfuckers because they act like Bad Motherfuckers the minute they're on the scene. So treat him like he belongs there and he'll belong there.

Lest you think I totally hated this, however, there are a couple things I liked in this one--there were some unlikely choices for the Legion of Doom, I liked that they used a version of the theme from Crisis on Two Earths, and the disc has a great documentary/tribute to McDuffie, who damn sure deserves his accolades.

So while this wasn't a complete waste of time, it wasn't as good as it could have been either. I can't really recommend it as such, and would suggest Young Justice as an alternative, but it's really spinning its wheels since they've come back on and that's a whole other rant besides.

Just Sayin'--ALL STAR SUPERMAN

No, not the book--the animated film that everyone pissed on when it was due to come out because it couldn't possibly be the book, because comics fans are nothing if not open-minded when it comes to adaptations of works much beloved and admired.

For my own part, given that the Blu-Ray was cheap, I decided to buy it and give it a watch. Wonder of wonders, it's not bad--the 75 minute running time means rather a lot has to get chopped out (and no, it really doesn't look like Quitely's art, but then there's no way in hell you were going to get dozens of underpaid Korean animators to draw like him) but the essence of the story's there, and it works well enough. It's no substitute for the book, but it's diverting enough for an hour and change, and it's one of the first time's we've seen someone try to adapt Morrison's work outside of its native medium, so it's instructive on many levels, I'd say.

On an unrelated yet not, tip--what does everyone think makes a better "final" Superman story--All-Star or "Whatever Happened To The Man of Tomorrow?" They both have their charms, but I give All-Star a bit more of an edge--I'd like to think Superman would go out on a bit more of a high-note in terms of positivity than Moore's story left him in. Understandably, y'all's mileage may vary on that, but I'd be interested to hear why.

In any event, bottom line: It's not bad, and holds together rather durably. If you can find it cheap, it's worth picking up.